The Life of Reilly – Northern Stage, Newcastle

It’s two weeks ago now that my husband and I went along to the Northern Stage to see The Life of Reilly. And I’m finding myself still thinking about it.

I know this might sound bad, as Jessica is now 11. But we’ve only just recently explained to her that she has autism. And the reason we had that conversation was because I overheard her talking with her younger sister. I’d just put Jessica and Emily to bed, then stood at the door as I heard them talking about school. Emily said she wished they could both go to the same school. Jessica agreed but said she can’t. Emily replied explaining she understood and it’s because Jessica has autism. Jess told Emily she didn’t want to talk about it. Because she’s scared. Emily assured her there was nothing to be scared or worry about. It just means she learns differently. That’s all.

 

My heart sank. My 8-year-old daughter was explaining something to her older sister that I should have. I told my husband, and we agreed to have the conversation with Jessica the following day.

We asked if Jessica understood why she was in a different school than Emily. And like her sister did, explained she just needed extra help and support. We didn’t go into too much detail. Jessica looked at us, smiled and said ‘That’s fine’. And off she went to play.

The Life of Reilly doing extremely well has been around for a short while now. But for some reason or another we’ve never got round to seeing it. But I felt like this was the right time.

The play is inspired, written and produced by three mothers of sons with autism. Christine Stephenson who blogs about her everyday life with son Reilly. Christines’ sister-in-law Kelly Best, and actress and playwright Alison Stanley.

I’m not going to give anything away about the play. But I will say it moved my emotions more than I expected. Jessica has been diagnosed 5 years now and we knew she possibly had autism from around age 3. The Life of Reilly opened up so many memories and experiences we’ve had over those 8 years.

Jessica was completely non-verbal till around 5. And I remember hearing comments about how she ‘didn’t talk much’. And my heart broke each time I explained she didn’t talk at all. And we didn’t know if she ever would.

It reminded me of the nights I’d lie awake googling ‘Child aged 2 can’t talk’. Then aged 3. Then aged 4. Looking for answers as to what was going on with my girl.

It made me remember the first time it was suggested Jessica had autism. It was by her speech therapist. I told her she didn’t as my head began to spin and my heart pound. The denial. Then the blame. Was it something I had caused? The birth? The MMR? Had I done this?

Then as time passed and Jess got older I started to wonder if she will she ever live independently? Will she have meaningful relationships? Friends? Nights out? Will she go to college? Get a job? Get married? All those things we take from granted. My other two children will no doubt do them all, but Jessica? And what if something happened to me and Andrew? Who would take care of her?

These questions are raised by Joanne (Alison Stanley) in Life of Reilly, and I have no doubt by every single parent of a child with autism or indeed any disability. As I sat in a sell out auditorium, for the first time in 8 years, I no longer felt alone in my thoughts. With all my worries about Jessica, my sadness, my guilt, I wasn’t alone. Even my concerns over transport when she first started school. Once I finally accepted Jessica needed to be in a specialist school, I spent weeks agonising over the fact I’d have to put her in a taxi with a driver and escort who had never met her before. And wondering was I being silly, or irrational? I know now I was being neither.

The Life of Reilly highlighted that our children and the extent of their struggles may all different, but what we go through as parents is exactly the same. And for me as the parent of a child with autism, The Life of Reilly gave a perfect insight into our lives. All we want as parents, is for our children to be understood and accepted. And I am so grateful we have three wonderful North East mums raising awareness and being a voice for our children.